Love is not about seducing ego

This article is graciously provided for republication by the author, Dr. Dinesh Sharma, an Ayurvedacharya, consultant Vastu Master, Vedic Astrologer and Ayurvedic Physician and teacher in the Himalayan Tradition of Yoga and Meditation for more than 30 years.

Love is not about seducing egoIf love can transcendent beyond physical attraction and become unconditional, eternal and ethereal then it is dynamic and vibrant and helps to evolve otherwise it gradually turns into a convenient chocolate for depression and calculated tool to seduce ego and brush up loneliness. When we put our claim on the other and want to hold him or her as a hostage to our own possessive dementia, the love flower is bound to perish.

It's our own insecurity when we are possessed by the desire to cling and hold someone captive through emotional megalomania. Open your soul in such a way that your love feels healed and nourished by your meager presence. If your presence is causing a neck to stiffen and a breath to shorten then there is something seriously wrong in your relationship.

Love is not about claiming but giving. Love is not about possessing but liberating. If the fear of losing a loved one is bothering you then something is not right. You are already going in the certain direction of sufferings and pain since everything is mortal in this world. After 'falling' in love the next best step is to start 'rising' in love. When you hold a hand - be in the hand. When you look in the eyes of someone -be in the eyes. When you kiss someone - be in the kiss. When you make love - be in the love.

Be in the love in toto since love is a meditative prayer. Love is the surrender. When you truly love, your ego should dilute. If you are still holding on to your ego then your love is cerebral and superficial.

Initially when people are attracted to each other, they first start exploring the commonalities between them. They want to affirm their own being through the 'other'. Even on a superficial level if they find that other person's likings and preferences of food, literature and films correspond to their own, they get somewhat affirmation to their own personality. They start prematurely assuming that they have much in 'common' with each other. Well that may not be the case since they have not yet tuned their true self with each other. Love is beyond such canine sniffing curiosities.

Chemistry between two persons is not only physical or dependent on approval of external sources. When one is prepared to destroy his or her 'self' and merge with the other holding no bars then only one can experience true love. In the intense loving moments of divine ecstasy Krishna says that I have become Radha and Radha says that I have become Krishna. Now Krishna is no more Krishna and Radha is no more Radha.

Expectations kill love for certain. If people can forgo expectations, which may not be easy, a loving relationship can acquire all together a different level of intensity. If your soul connects with someone in a very special way, if your heart opens like a blooming flower when you hold someone in your arms, if your trust in someone is beyond doubts, if you feel complete being in a relationship, if your love has transcendented physical and cerebral attractions, if the flame of love in your heart is eternal then you do understand love.

Avoid being a obsessive compulsive lover. Its fatal and destructive. Stop using people for ego seduction. You may feel high like a conqueror temporarily but soon your ego will burden you with utmost guilt.

Dishonesty, lying and cheating is the worst thing one can do to a pure and innocent loving relationship. Be honest and brave to express your feelings. If you have developed doubts about your love, discuss them honestly and openly with your partner. If you both are mature you will understand its reasons and necessity to liberate each other from bondages. Trying different relationships at the same time and keeping your partner in dark will harm you at the first place. You will remain in an ongoing state of self conflict and suffer physical and psychological disorders.

Rightly said a Sufi poet while defining love, 'In love not only one has to drown but also swim through an ocean in flames.'


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